Just Smile

Sophia didn’t know when she had lost her mind. The world was too loud, too bright, and too unpredictable. Since she was young, her mind bounced with terrible thoughts and her chest felt tight like a demon propped on her chest. Lying on her horsehair-stuffed bed seemed to be the only escape in this state. She tried to fill the empty feeling with stories and felt a bit of comfort holding the bound pages between her fingers. Her new obsession had been to read and reread ‘The Time Machine.’

         “Humanity had been strong, energetic, and intelligent, and had used all its abundant vitality to alter the conditions under which it lived. And now came the reaction of the altered conditions.” She read out loud. Was that true? Will the growth of science lead to our doom? Before she could answer that, the door swung open. Her sister, Pearl, stood boldly at the door with her hand on her hip and a glint in her eyes.

         “What is it?” Sophia groaned, closed her book, and rolled over to face away from Pearl’s gaze. She knew Pearl wanted to go somewhere. She had her evening dress on with her walking boots. Her dark hair was curled and elegantly pinned up.

         “The circus is in town. We must go.”

         “Must we?” Sophia grumbled. Before, she could change her sister’s mind. She was pulled out of the safety of her bed and given her attire for the night. Sophia felt weak even if her doctor claimed she was in perfect physical health.

         “The carriage is waiting for us,” Pearl announced proudly and exited the room.

***

         Sophia didn’t notice their arrival at the circus until the door to the carriage opened. The tent was bigger than they expected. She was still in a fog but was forced to ignore it and floundered after Pearl weaving through the crowd of people. If her brain was in a better state, she would smile at the performers flying through the air, she would feel hungry at the smell of the food wafting around, and she would spend every minute watching the dancers on the stage. She didn’t feel that. It was still an empty hole, but something did catch her eye.

         A vendor’s stand was off to the side with metal contraptions in front of it. A wooden carriage sat behind him with the words ‘Miracle Man’ in crumbling paint. A man behind the table smiled at passersby with a grin filled with gold. Many of them ignored his greetings and his uneasy demeanor. She tried to squint her eyes to make out what the image she was seeing was. Tubes went in and out of his arms from the top of his shoulders to the tips of his fingers Sophia thought he was wearing an eye patch but was a circular blue lens that reflected off the lantern lights.

         “Soph,” Pearl called throwing Sophia out of her trance.

         “Yes?’

         “I am heading to the next tent to see the Elephants,” Pearl said.

         “I’ll... I’ll meet you over there,” Sophia said still thinking of the man. She watched her sister leave before she headed toward the stand. Their eyes met as she got to the table, but her gaze was captured by the little inventions in front of her. It was more fantastic than she imagined.

Machines clinked away doing things she could never have imagined. One machine folded paper with such mastery that it made her mouth gape as the parchment transformed into a flower. Another machine organized marbles by color and size, its small wheels whizzing across the wood table. As soon as joy entered her body, it disappeared leaving no trace.

         “You are sad, young lady.”

         She looked up realizing how long she stared at the inventions. Letting out a sigh she spoke. “It is more than sadness I feel. A sad person can still be filled with the joys of art and music. This is more than sadness. It’s a hole that eats up all the joy in the world leaving you just a vessel.”

         “Do you want to cure that?”

         Her eyes shot up. It felt impossible that anyone could cure this curse on her, but she also witnessed machines creating and moving objects independently. Was it possible this unusual man with sickly skin could change her? No. She knew not to believe in miracles. Pearl had taught her that and would remind her that healing takes time. There is no such thing.

“Time is the only cure.” Sophia forced from her lips.

“That is true, deary, but my special serum can speed up the process.” His smile deepened.

         “It can do that?” She stood still in disbelief.

         “I am a miracle worker, darling. I can make women thin and make men strong. I cured a woman’s sadness; now she smiles every second of the day. I love smiles. Do you want to smile? I saw your smile and it was like the sun shown down. It will only take a second.”  He gestured his arms like an actor in a play. 

Sophia held herself. “I’m unsure.” 

“It won’t hurt you to try.” He had moved next to her, setting a meek hand on her shoulder. Sophia took a deep breath before nodding at the man. It couldn’t hurt to try. The worst outcome is that it won’t work. The man’s grip tightened and was pulled from behind the table and up into the creaky wagon.

 Before she knew it, her arms and legs were strapped to a chair. A leather strap covered her forehead to secure her head. Fear sizzled through her veins as she whimpered to herself. Was this the right decision? Sophia didn’t think she could shake anymore until the door to the wagon was pulled to a close. The man’s gangly arms searched the wooden chest in the far corner until he found a syringe and held it in the air in victory. “There is nothing to worry about, little flower. I am just curing your deep sadness. It will only take a minute.”

         Sophia wanted to believe the man about the cure and ignore the loud beating of her heart in her ears. When she could finally see the man again there was a syringe in his hand filled with purple liquid. She gasped, closed her eyes, and squirmed in her seat. She wanted to say no, but something inside her couldn’t. Sophia desperately wanted the emptiness to go away. She missed the times before. 

         She felt the sting and the burn as the syringe went into her cheek. Tears flooded her face. Before she could cry out in pain, her lips pulled up into a smile. Her cheeks tightened as the smile grew wider. She tried to stop it, but she couldn’t move. The miracle man walked around the room writing vigorously in a journal.

         “Smile still forced, but the patient didn’t die during the procedure. Her skin is red and her heartbeat has to be elevated.” He says before setting the journal back on his desk. He unhooked her restraints and gave out a menacing laugh. Sophia grabbed her face and tried desperately to move her mouth down. She wanted to frown, grimace, and scowl. Sophia ran out of the wagon and back to the circus.

The last thing she heard from the man was his yell. “Just Smile!”

         “Pearl!” She screamed the best she could, but she couldn’t stop smiling. A small drop of blood dripped down her cheek as she rushed into the tent she saw Pearl enter. She felt better, but it was too good like the whole inside her was overfilling. Everything was bright and beautiful. The music felt like a drug in her system. Even as she yelled for her sister, she would have the feeling of giggling. Her body felt like she was on fire, her heartbeat violently in her chest, and her face wouldn’t move. It was overwhelming joy to the point of pain. She pushed through the crowd of people that seemed to get longer and longer. It wasn’t supposed to be like this. She was supposed to be back to normal. Stable. 

         “Pearl!”

         “Sophia?”

         Sophia finally saw her sister and sprinted to her sister. She collapsed in Pearl’s arms, allowed the warmth to envelop her, and pleaded the feeling would go away.

****

         Sophia woke up in bed with Pearl and a woman standing above her. She was in a haze and felt the familiar feeling of emptiness deep inside her. Sophia’s brain pounded violently in her skull. Her face was sore and swollen. She tried to speak, but the words seemed to get lost in her mouth.

         “It’s all right, Soph. We have someone here to help.” Pearl rubbed Sophia’s shoulder.

         “Th- miracle man,” Sophia said.

         “We know. He always goes after vulnerable people.” The woman said. “We are getting you help, but it will take time to help you feel better.”

“I’m sorry,” Sophia whimpered.

“No need to apologize, my dear sister. Healing isn’t linear.” 

         Pearl was right and Sophia knew to believe her. All Sophia could do was nod and ignore the whispers that kept telling her to, ‘Just Smile.’